HTown Mother

So since that light bulb came on & you’ve treated yourself to some manis, pedis, some clothes maybe, food/snacks/desserts & maybe even some makeup & perfume. Now that’s all fine & all but thats only the surface, now think about outside that box, is there anything above being “you” that you’d like to achieve? Any goals? Big? Small? Different? How about deeper healing, self care & self love? Well it’s not all about brunch, wine, liquor, warm baths, shopping, etc, it’s the deep impact of who you are & what makes you, you. You can read books that will help you to reflect, give you ideas, help you heal or even achieve a goal even if it’s just helping you reach a goal of losing weight. I’ve read a few books & still plan to in the near future but one book I recommend & always will is called “Confidence Feels Like S***” which was written by a Puerto Rican woman, wife & business woman who lives in Melbourne, Australia with her husband & 2 sons & also is a veteran. I actually been following her for 4-5 yrs now on IG & I love her energy & her speeches. I’ve even listen to a few of her episodes on her podcast & so if you have an IG I highly recommend to follow her, her name is Erica Cramer at The Queen of Confidence & I promise you’ll learn a thing or two while following her on IG whether it’s motivational or will give you ideas or even put you on the spot about yourself. Self care, self love & self improvement can be difficult but when it does it doesn’t mean to stop, that just means it’s working & you’re on your way to be a better version of yourself & a different version of yourself that’s a happier & healthier person. Reading books to help you & guide you is an example of self love, self care & self improvement but action is also needed too not just reading & listening to podcasts, those are just the guidelines & notes to your new beginning & even be a reminder of your self love & healing journey. There are many ways to self improve yourself, you just gotta search for it, learn about it & take those steps. Once you get in the habit of that then it’s all about being consistent no matter what even on days that you feel exhausted or unmotivated or even on days when you feel like “meh I just don’t care right now”. So when those moods kick in that’s when your “why” & your discipline needs to be in action because it’s not about being motivated it’s about keeping it moving. There is no ending to self love, self care, self improvement or healing, nor is there a correct way to go about it, you are the person whose journey belongs to them, no one else, it’s not a course & there’s no test or quiz at the end. It’s all about going, learning & being consistent & it’s all on your terms, on your own, for you, by you, for your future & for your future generations. Get ready not only for a deeper meaning but also for the hard stuff too that maybe you didn’t know existed but once you’ve gotten through it, it’s all a breeze afterwards. So self love, self care, self improvement & healing is yours to learn.

Life is never easy but it’s a blessed journey that make us learn, enjoy, & grow. When your light bulb comes on, you realized how your life has changed (even if it was unexpectedly) & you know it’s different now, it doesn’t mean to be scared & stay put. We all enter different chapters, some are really long & some are short, sometimes even too short regardless of it’s a wonderful chapter or a sad chapter. Chapters can be a scribbling lines in our lives, regardless if you’re teaching a goal or goals or just even trying to survive. Now we all think (especially me) that our chapters are supposed to go from little pain & sadness here & there & then get better as we get older. Sometimes it does happen that way maybe even for the 1st 12 chapters of our lives & then all of a sudden it gets crazy or disorganized or maybe even a chapter of being lost. Sometimes there is more than one chapter of sadness & in some cases even darkness with no light in sight. It can be about your career, your parents, your siblings, your kids, your spouse or significant other, extended family or maybe even YOU but these chapters happen for a reason. When you know your life has changed for the better then you embrace it & enjoy your precious moments. Even when it’s a sad chapter you still embrace it, why? Because there’s a lesson in the chapter, sometimes maybe something for you to realize & sometimes you can be sad, cry, lost or maybe even angry but don’t let those emotions dictate what you’ll become because emotions are just part of our human nature so don’t let emotions cover who you really are inside. When I became a single mom 8 yrs ago, I learned a lot both good & bad, I experienced many emotions & my life did in fact change back then. Once I realized my “light bulb” came on & that my life changed, I decided to change my mindset, my habits, my motherly teachings & decided to heal not only outside (to stop being sad & angry) but also inside including my mental health not only to be mentally ready to be a single mom but to be better for myself & for my son. So with that, are you getting up? Are you changing? Are you ready? Did you enter that new chapter?

Now when self care, self love & self improvement comes to mind I’m sure many thoughts come to mind. Don’t know what steps to take? Do something relaxing or nice for yourself, maybe get a massage, get a mani & pedi, read a book that you’d like, buy or make yourself your fav drink like coffee, smoothie or tea, buy yourself a new outfit or new shoes, eat breakfast at a new restaurant, etc. Now by doing this will it make all your problems go away or make you feel better forever? No but just the small pleasures can eventually lead to something bigger, the small gestures are just the beginning & can help you be at peace or comfortable in the moment because even though you’ll experience joy for a moment that’s better than not doing anything at all. I remember when I went to the mall just to kill some time after I’ve done my errands & chores, I remember seeing my fav perfume which was Viva La Juicy by Juicy Courtier. It’s pretty expensive so I hardly buy it but when I seen it I was like oh my fav let me buy it screw it I deserve it. By me doing that made me feel good like wow I bought something for myself & didn’t hesitate or felt guilty about it. Now eventually when I got home it was back to reality but at least I did something small for myself & it made a difference in my day & in my mood. So by experiencing that I realized well if something that small made me feel good I can imagine what else. So slowly I started buying myself more clothes, shoes, accessories & hair products. I felt like wow “Angie” is back & I remember her being a girly girl & feeling pretty & it felt nice that the woman in me was coming back up. When I was in a relationship with my son’s dad I always put him & my son first & “Angie” was put to sleep. Now there’s nothing wrong with making my relationship & my child feel important & prioritizing them but little did I realize that I wasn’t doing that to myself. So now that I became a single mom I was actually forced to realize it, I didn’t do it on my own, I had to learn while having time to myself which was an obligation since I was also single & my son would go to his dads house every other weekend. Throughout the beginning I started slowly becoming myself again but this time a different version that was also healing. Angie was not only a woman but a healing woman, a mother, a rejuvenated person which little did I know was really only the very beginning. What small steps or gestures would you do? Are you becoming the best version of yourself? Are you healing? Are you forgiving yourself? No matter what, do the small things, they do matter, they are a necessity. Is the light bulb on?

I know I still have a long way to go but one of the many things I’ve noticed about people when it comes to self improvement is that they know what’s wrong in their lives whether it be themselves, their children, their siblings, their parents, cousin, friends or even their significant other BUT don’t address it or do anything to change it for the better. Some may think it’s not worth it, some may think they don’t need it, some may think if they address it they’ll be alone, some may think it will trigger themselves or the other person, some may think that it’ll destroy the relationship that they have with that person. Even some may not even realize that there’s toxicity in their life because they were not taught the difference between positivity & negativity in their life. Some may know what’s wrong in their lives but are afraid of the consequences of addressing it which is understandable. When you need to improve for yourself you can do the steps yourself & slowly progress & there is no right or wrong way either. When it’s regarding someone else it can be difficult especially when it’s someone you can’t cut ties with like a family member or a person you have kid(s) with. Think about what improvements you’d want to do for yourself or on yourself, are you happier? Are you at peace? Are you satisfied? If those answers are “yes” then there is a need for improvement whether that be mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically. We all can improve & we can improve one day & one step at a time at your own pace at a consistent pace. Now think about some people in your life, are they respectful to you? Do they encourage you? Do they bring positive energy around you? Do they want the best for you? Do they call you out when you’re wrong? If those answers are “no” then you need to reevaluate the people in your life. Even family members can be reevaluated in your life because some family members can be negative & maybe it’s because they’re going through something themselves & need to do their own work or maybe they don’t know the negativity they bring to you. Self improvement is not for other people, it’s for you & the people that genuinely love you & care about you will adapt to your improvements if anything you can be an example for them to improve themselves. They will encourage & applaud you but for the people who lecture you or are against it or question you about it probably don’t even know the fathom of what you are trying to do. Now when those people are family members then that’s for you to put up your boundaries & stick to them even if it hurts. YOU come first for self love, self care & self improvement then the people who matter will benefit from it. Think about who is important & who matters, is it family, friends, or a significant other? Maybe none? Think about your circle & who actually deserves to be in it because self improvement can involve changing your circle as well. Think about it, who needs to go & who needs to stay? Who’s worth keeping around? Who needs to know, understand & respect your boundaries?

In January 2022 as I was at work relaxing for the last hr of my work day I realized how much better I needed to be not only as a woman but I also wanted to improve as a mother. I started thinking of my sons future & what I felt I should teach him that I wish I knew at a young age. I started observing the people in my life especially my family members including my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents & even look at what I knew about my great grandparents as well. I realized that my great grandparents & my grandparents on both sides was only living in “survival mode” meaning they only lived life based on having their necessities. There’s nothing wring with that but life is so much more than just “surviving” but of course most likely both of my grandfathers were taught to be tough, strong & be a good provider for their families & my grandmothers were taught to be submissive to their husbands & be a dedicated mother to their children. Again nothing wrong with that but surviving life & going day by day is only the basics. So with me realizing that I started looking at my parents at how they were when I was a kid & now as I’m an adult with my own child. My parents taught me to have a relationship with God, responsible, manners, be close to my siblings & to be a good person. They had talks with me & my siblings before which again I realize that it was the just below the basics. I even started looking at myself on how I needed to be the best I can be but also how to be a best version mother to my son. I heard of generational trauma but never really looked into it, I actually thought it was only regarding toxicity. It’s actually more than that, generational trauma can mean that you raise your children different than how you were raised. So I started reading books & following people on Instagram about self improvement & even started listening to podcasts as well. It helped me & I even started talking to my son differently & I even started to watch how I said things to him even when I told him to take the trash out or other chores he does. It was hard at first cause I would lecture him like the way my parents did or giving him the statements that were told me as a kid. I even started talking to him as an equal when we had our conversations as mother & son, I even apologized to him asking him if he’d forgive me for yelling or getting an attitude when I was mad at him. I realized my great grandparents & grandparents were only surviving & lived life to their best ability which was passed on to my parents. I don’t hold any grudges to any of them, I love them all but i choose to improve myself as a woman & as a mother. Maybe their purpose in life was to be that way because God knew when I was born I would be the one to realize that & change that within myself & with my son. I’m not a perfect mother at all, I’m far from it but one thing for sure 100% is that I love my son with all my heart, he’s my pride & joy & one of my greatest blessings that I will never take for granted. I want to be the best version of myself for him so he can be the best version of himself for his future wife & kids especially after I am no longer living on his earth. I’m sure many families have generational curses which is no one’s fault, it just has to stop by someone in the bloodline which can be done even though it will not be easy. That’s how I discovered level two of self improvement, not only did I have to learn from my past mistakes but also my great grandparents, my grandparents & my parents so I can improve for them. They served their purpose & now I am serving mine, even though my great grandparents & my grandparents are all gone I still miss them & I am thankful for all that they’ve done because in the end I am here because of them, their purpose may not have been to break generational curses but they did the best that they could with what they knew but for sure that strong work ethic is what i got from them especially my grandfathers. I still have my parents here as my support system which I’m thankful for so don’t ever feel like there is an ending of self improvement because there’s not, there are different levels of self improvement & could be achieved all throughout your life. Never stop self improvement & never stop practicing self love & self care no matter what. Even if you’re family isn’t perfect (which no family is) or you’re not sure what generational curses your family has, it can all start with you, I’m sure you can learn more things along with the way. Remember level two is still only the beginning.

I have experienced 2 levels of self care & self love but it wasn’t on purpose, it was actually forced & unexpected. One experience was in 2016 & the other in 2022 which both are under the same category of self love & self care but on a different level. In February 2016, my sons dad & I separated after 14 yrs off & on which struck me hard, I was sad & hurt then on top of it I had to share my son in a different way by giving him to his dad every other weekend. He was 3 yrs old at that time & I felt like he was too young to be away from me for even a day but unfortunately I had to learn to adapt to my new parenting lifestyle. At first when my son was away from me & with his dad I learned to take advantage & do chores & laundry early & get everything together for the week so when he came back home Sunday night I can spend the remaining night with him instead of doing house chores & errands. After awhile I realized it wasn’t enough I wanted to do something else in my spare time other than the mommy duties but I just didn’t know what. So slowly I started having a life again as a woman not just being a mother, I started hanging with friends again, I started buying things for myself again like perfume & shoes. When I became a mother I totally was focused on him & of course sharing responsibilities & finances with sons dad so of course “Angie” was put to the side for a while. So when I had purchased perfume & shoes (I had many of these before I became a mother btw) I felt good like wow I remember being able to buy things like these & this is actually for me as a woman not the “mother” part of me. In April 2016 I even got lasik eye surgery which I’ve been wanting to do for awhile but couldn’t because I always thought about what my son may need or any finances that I can help his dad with since we were in a relationship together. When I got the lasik eye surgery I was excited like wow I got this done & it’s great to do something for me again & I loved my after results on top of that. So just by me buying things for myself, drinking way more water which I got used to drinking 98% of the time, giving up eating after 7pm, getting a procedure done for myself (which made my eyesight better) made me feel good inside like wow this is cool. So I started doing little things to make myself feel better like living my life as a woman again even buying myself makeup again. I even started working out with a long time friend of mine & I did lose weight which I felt great like wow I look good again lol & then it was a free class on top of that so that was a plus. In December 2019 I noticed that I wanted to do something else other than buying products for myself & living life by hanging with friends & doing what I want especially when I was kid free every other weekend but I just didn’t know exactly what. Since Covid hit the US in 2020 all I could do was work since most places were closed & really couldn’t go anywhere & was a little afraid to get sick so I stayed indoors more often that yr. I even had to stop working out since the center where I was taking workout classes had shut down & didn’t know when they were going to open up again. As I was staying indoors, I actually started being on social media more, as I was scrolling I started seeing people post many different things & some topics were actually very interesting even topics that I never even heard of or thought of. So slowly I started following the people that I felt like I can learn from or I followed them based on their interesting topics. January 2022 was the yr I discovered that I needed to be more, more healthy, more aware, love differently as a mother & many other things that I realized that I never knew or was even taught. Another different level of self improvement hit me again (just like in 2016) without even searching for it & I began to discover level 2 of self improvement; the self love & self care.

Any small step that helps you in some way to feel relaxed, rejuvenated & refocused; it just all depends on what small steps you can take to receive that feeling. I’ve done the small steps before I made the bigger ones. I’ve prayed, I’ve done short walks in the park about 30 minutes, I’ve looked at an inspirational movie, I’ve listened to music (my fav in the beginning), I’ve vented to someone I trusted like a close friend or my sister, I’ve taken a long warm shower & I’ve even taken a long drive at night. These small steps made a difference in my mood when I felt stressed, worried or when I needed time to myself even when I needed time away from my son (I mostly listened to music when I needed a few minutes alone from him while he was playing with his toys or watching tv). It did help & those small steps are great when you’re on a budget or don’t have much finances to invest in the bigger steps. Small steps do matter, it actually introduces you that they matter then later it makes you realize that you notice a difference & are willing to try more things or different things to really achieve a upper level of self improvement. Don’t underestimate the small steps, practice them first to get in the habit of taking time for yourself. It don’t matter if you feel like you’re not doing it correctly, there is no correct way, it’s YOUR way & however you want to take the small steps whether it’s the day or time. Other people can give you ideas & if you feel like doing your own way of practicing those small steps then that’s no problem. Now some people may be new at this & may want to do exactly what they’re being taught in taking those small steps which is also perfectly fine as well & who knows maybe down the line after practicing you may even notice that you like doing the routine a little differently which will be awesome be cause that means not only are you practicing but also learning more about your self improvement beginnings. Small steps can take time & your small steps can be different from someone else’s small steps & that is okay, there is no competition on who’s doing it correctly. Everyone’s idea of self care & self love is different, what matters is that we all are practicing it & learning more & more on how to improve ourselves. Never put your small steps on a timeline, you’ll know when that time comes that are you ready to learn & practice the bigger steps & bring forth into your routine. Think about the small step or steps that you can start off with, even if it’s a simple routine that’s a great start, starting is better than not starting at all & continue lacking self improvement. YOU matter enough to take the small steps, think about it, & practice them, you’ll find out that it matters.

I’m sure many of us have heard this statement whether it was directly towards you from someone or maybe you’ve heard it being told to someone else. The thing is though that practice is necessary even for things like practicing mental health, self love & self care. Once you practice & be consistent with it, it can be part of you which can lead to improved outcomes & even better in the long run. Now can self love & self be perfect? No, why not right? Just like how people practice sports or playing an instrument but those are added for enjoyment. Self love & self care aren’t just for enjoyment, it’s critical, it’s something to bring out the best in you, it’s already inside you, it’s the practice that brings it to light. Practicing self love & self care doesn’t have a manual because even though we all need it, we all learn on our own way & in different aspects of it. First you must acknowledge that this is needed for you & in your life then figure out what areas in you that you know you need to improve even if you don’t want to think about it but should. Once you know what area or areas you need to work on, see what can you do to start off with. For instance if you know you are overwhelmed & actually feel like you are exhausted from life then figure out what small steps you can do to make time for yourself. Anything that you can do to have alone time is worth it, even if it’s just 30 minutes of alone time it’s better than nothing. Take a 30 minute walk, listen to calm relaxing music or gospel music at night, take a bubble bath or a warm shower with shower steamers like eucalyptus. These small steps that you put into practice in your life will eventually cause a positive impact on you. Yeah it’s a small step but small steps lead to big steps & improves & blossoms overtime. Take that necessity & actual take your time doing it, no worries & no rush, it’s just how they say “me time” because in this moment it is about you. How? Well cause you need a moment alone & there’s nothing wrong with that. In this moment it is about your self love & self care & yes it is even though it’s a small practice, it’ll make a difference. You need that moment alone not because you hate the people you love, it’s because you need a moment in rejuvenation to refocus & regain energy to continue being the woman you are. Have you made those small steps? Have you practiced yet? Have you taken the time to yourself? Do you practice self love & self care…..for YOU?

The fact is that we all need self care & self love, who better to love you than yourself, who better to take care of you than yourself? You know exactly what you enjoy & dislike, you know who you are, so these 2 terms should be a necessity in your world & in your life’s vocabulary. These terms not only bring out the best in you but decompress & rejuvenate your body & your mental health. This s not a luxury at all which I myself used to think but I was completely wrong & had no knowledge of what it truly meant & how important it is. It should actually be who we all are just like we are human beings, women, mothers, employees, adults, etc. Now this is journey of self love & self care easy? No, not always because it’s a lifestyle that should be consistent even if you are consistent at it once a week or once every 2 weeks & some people don’t know how to come to terms with it or even stay consistent at it. Just like you take a shower, wash your face, brush your hair/teeth, etc this self love & self care should be a routine no matter how often you use it as long as you use it to your benefit in your physical & mental health. Never think that you aren’t worthy enough to practice self love & self care, never think that you are too old or too young or too poor to practice self love & self care. It’s important, it’s a must, it’s a part of life that you must practice often & become a part of you & your routine no matter how often you use it, little steps can lead to bigger steps that can lead to beautiful results that even you yourself didn’t know that you can achieve.

The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. Who actually practices this? If so, how often? If not, why not? Has anyone taught you? If so, who? If not, have you tried to teach yourself or research anything regarding that subject & what it means? We’ve all heard that term in some kind of form when someone speaks about it, we read it somewhere or seen a video about it. What comes to mind when you hear that term self love/self care? Do you think of yourself or someone in particular? Do you think this only implies to wealthy people or people who don’t have children? How important do you think this term is? Well all these questions or maybe some or maybe even one of these questions may have crossed your mind or maybe not at all. This term is actually very important to everyone no matter the age, race or gender. It’s really not talked about as much but it is in fact as important as much as your physical health. You are only given one life & one body so of course it’s important to not only take care of your physical health but also your mental health which both are under the same umbrella of “self love & self care” that everyone should be aware & informed of. You ever heard the saying “you are what you eat?” Well there’s another statement that says “you are what you think you are” which some people do not realize this statement is true. There are many resources you can read about, hear about & see about regarding these 2 terms. Once you find these resources & research deeper into the meaning & how to practice it you’ll realize how important it actually is. No matter your gender, race, religion, age, your upbringing or even your experiences; you can still learn about these terms. Don’t be intimidated about this due to lack of knowledge or thinking you can’t learn it or don’t need to, it can be very beneficial in at least aspect of your life.